Is wife ridiculous lazy or something is wrong with her?
I read a few question/answers about a lazy wife. But I can say none of them is as same lazy as mine. I really don’t know how to resolve this problem. We both work and have a preschool son (with light asthma). After work, almost everyday, I do home work with my son, play with him after that, read bedtime story, supervising his dinner. Also I buy toys for him, buy clothing, buy his friend’s birthday gifts….even shampoo, lotion…take him to library and outdoor activities. When he is sick, I make sure he take the medicine…At weekend, I cleaned up my son’s room with him, vacuum the house,cut gross, clean garage…buy home necessities-too paste, brush, shampoo…, purchase around furniture…
Did I claim doing too much? Do I love to do all of these? No, only some. Others I have to do as my wife is not doing! Does she knows? Yes, I talked to her many many times and even some argument. So What does she do? She does wash dishes after dinner. Of course she does some other things, like cooking, clean washroom. But virtually she does not do anything for the family except dish washing regularly. She cooks (plus only at weekend, as per my memory, she never cooked 2 days continuously. We have a relative help us cooking at weekday), but most of time, she will loose temper if I don’t help her something. But seldom I sit while she cooks as my preschool son cannot let me be still. A few times she did vacuum the family. Other things she only does under request – when I request to clean the kitchen, bring some water for my son, prepare some fruits… I can say in our 10years marriage, never a time she cleaned up the whole house, never think to buy home necessities (like replace pan if it wears out) initially. In our bedroom, she night table, phone and lamp always covered by dust. She is not cleaning the bathroom regularly… too much to mention. Let alone some "special" house work, like cleaning patio glass door. I believe in her life time, she will never clean it. I told many times, my attitude is: if you are tired, don’t do it or do a little. Do it when you are not tired and have time. Some housework shall do it regularly. You must have some time in an entire year to do some house work.
By the way, I don’t have any prejudice against house work which must be done by wife. Her parents also addressed her problem, but she only changes for a few days only.
Is there any way to change her or something is wrong? Help please.
Thanks for some answers. Well, she is not depressed as she always she was very satisfied at the current condition. I don’t mean only woman has to do house work. In the matter of fact, I am doing most house work as I like clean. I just requested her to step up to share some house work, which shall be normal for a family.
It seems she has no interest in anything. What she wants is "work, dinner and dish washing". But I think it is abnormal living like that. She has no interest to take pictures for my son or herself when we go out (unless you request her to do.) She converted to Christian a few years back, but only when to church a few times. One of our neighbor has bible reading every Saturday night and they call her to join. But she find all kinds of excuse not to go. At sale season, I bet most mom must squeeze around malls to look for clothing for her children in order to get quality clothing at a bargain price. But she not. I have to much example to say….
8 Responses
Linetta08
11 Feb 2010
Midori
11 Feb 2010
"housework must be done by wife?"
says who?
hmm… something is wrong in this picture.
doing my best
11 Feb 2010
you say she’s always been like this… she probably wont change now. she may be depressed or something to be so unmotivated.
jojo
11 Feb 2010
Maybe she is just not a clean person and neither is my husband even though he expects his house to be clean. This has to be something she is willing to fix and with you picking up the slack she must feel that she doesn’t need to. My husband has threatened to leave me on a couple of occasions for this reason and while I have been working on it there is still room for improvement but it was something I decided to change. There is a great series of books called messies or something like that even one for people married to messies and how to help them. I think the authors name is Sandra Felton…it’s been awhile since I have needed the books but they can open your eyes. I suggest you read the married to a messie too and talk to her again. She might want to change but not know how to. I was in the shoes she is in and it wasn’t that I was lazy it’s just hard to know where to start and what comes easy to some doesn’t to others.
bindysdogs
11 Feb 2010
Is your wife an only child? This is what it sounds like to me. Parents doted on her all of her life. She had no responsibilities as a child. It was her way most of the time, if not all. She was good in school, so working out of the home is not a problem. You taking care of your child is your job in her eyes and I would bet that when you go out or have guest she is the doting mom. Now, being right on the money on this, can you change her? Nope….as time goes on she will only get worse. You have to decide what you want in life. Don’t forget the mothers usually get the child in divorce so is it worth cleaning, toteing, etc etc for you to have your child with you all the time? You love your wife, just frustrated with her and you are overly tired.
NayNay
11 Feb 2010
It’s not about who does what… a relationship is supposed to be 50/50. let things go undone for a week if she doesn’t step in… maybe you just got a nasty woman if it’s unbearable, only you can make your next move. She’s the one you chose.
yummy mummy
11 Feb 2010
if she works full time,cooks and does dishes how is that being so lazy?granted she could do more as a mother and in her home but all people r different.i would try talking to her calmly and not argue about it.i would start off by honey i know we are both busy and tired at the end of the day but if you could help me out a little then we could get done quicker and maybe spend some quality time after the child goes to bed.if shes been like this 4 a while i doubt there is a problem,but she could possibly be depressed?just talk with her about it if nothing works maybe u could possibly pay someone to come and clean either weekly or biweekly,and that would help both of you guys out,yea there would still be things to do but it would help out alot.
Sunshine
11 Feb 2010
While I am not one of those women who fully buys into women’s lib, I also don’t believe in division between housework because of gender. If you dirty it, clean it. But, dude, you sound stressed and like you’re nit-picking at your wife. So she isn’t the picture-perfect housewife. You married her, right? If she won’t listen to anyone, then you have options. Even with a small child, if you are this fed up, there is divorce. You could hire a cleaning lady, or a part-time nanny, or go to counseling for yourself. Maybe your idea of clean and hers are just two completely different things. Maybe all of this is just an expression of something deeper that’s wrong in your marriage.
I know that you said that she was not depressed but it sure sounds like she may be headed that way. She sounds like she may have some type of fatigue disorder, this can be from a variety of medical conditions including depression. Talk to her about this and see if maybe she has been feeling "down". I am not a medical doctor or anything so any opinion that I give is just that, an opinion. Best of luck to you